


New Beginnings

by Brennik



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-24 20:35:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2595584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brennik/pseuds/Brennik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Sequel to Inevitable, which can be found on FF for the time being. Alex and Piper tackle pending motherhood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was moving day. All the things they had accumulated over the course of the past year or so were packed away in boxes and Piper sat on the floor in the living room, marking them as essential and non essential for the ease of unpacking later. Their suitcases stood packed and ready by the front door. Alex and Nicky were out bringing the truck around. Most of the furniture had already been shifted the day before to the new apartment, which was about seven blocks away from here.

She heard boots stomping up the stairs and a moment later, Nicky's head appeared, preceded by her voice, which sounded annoyed. "Your woman is mad. Raving mad."

"What happened?" she asked.

"Remember how you guys hired the moving truck and all we had to do was pick it up and drive it up here?"

"Yeah…" she stood up and got a bottle of water for Nicky from the water cooler.

"Thanks. So we get there, and Miss Mechanic, suddenly, she knows everything about six wheelers and starts inspecting all the fucking trucks." She took a long swig from the bottle. "She then decides there's something wrong with each one of them and insists we look for another service."

"Wait, six wheelers? We don't even have that much stuff."

"Yeah, no I finally managed to convince her that the original truck will be enough. She was out there checking for transmission or whatever when I came up."

"Pipes we need to be on our way. Are you ready?" the brunette came in and went straight to the room. Nicky mouthed "mad" to Piper as Alex disappeared.

"I'll go talk to her."

"Al?" she watched as Alex fiddled around the old chest of drawers, opening and shutting each one. She bent down to check the lower drawers. The afternoon sunlight from the window hit her just at the right angle to make her seem luminous. Small wisps of hair escaped from the bun her hair was piled up in, gently tickling the exposed skin on her neck. She suddenly felt envious of the hair.

_That's my woman you're touching. The love of my life._ _The future mother of my child._ Just as she thought that, Alex got on her hands and knees, about to lie down on the floor. "Woah, hey." She hurried forward.

"Alex what're you doing?" Alex was squinting underneath the chest with her head on the floor. "Get up."

"I'm just making sure there's nothing rolled away under here."

"Oh God. I'll do it; you just get off of the floor." She reached for her arms and half-pulled Alex up.

"No I'm sure you'll miss something, I still have to check the study for the left behind stuff-" she broke off and rushed past Piper. The blonde sighed and followed Alex into the study.

"Alex." She walked over to where the brunette stood by the window staring at the empty bookshelf. "You need to calm down."

"I am calm. This is me being efficient."

Piper stepped closer to Alex and placing her chin on her shoulder, she ran her hands up and down the pale arms soothingly."No this is stressing. And unnecessary stressing." She placed a small kiss on her neck. "We're not even selling this place babe. So even if, by some chance, we do leave something behind, we can always come back and get it." She felt the taller woman relax a little into the embrace.

"Yeah, you're right. I just have this feeling. Like there's something that I need to do."

"Maybe that feeling has less to do with the move and more to do with," she dragged her hand down to the brunette's stomach, "this?"

Alex's hands followed Piper's and intertwined with hers. "How do you mean?"

"What I mean is you need to be in control. There's not much we can do about this except wait, so you just feel the need to take it out on whatever physical activity you can get your hands on."

Alex snorted. "Gee thanks doc. Same time next week?" she sighed and then was silent for a moment. Her grip tightened. "I just worry, a lot, about a lot of things. There's so much stuff that I wish I could control, so we would know where we stand. I hate this uncertainty."

"I know. It can get overwhelming Lex. There definitely are a lot of variables involved. But when we finally get Alex Jr. running around our new home on his pudgy little legs, too fast too soon, you know it'll all be worth it and then some." Piper felt a low laugh rumble through Alex and she turned around and wrapped her hands around Piper's waist.

"Alex Jr. huh? I thought we weren't gonna go with that."

Piper shrugged. "I dunno, it has a nice ring to it. Besides I love all things Alex." Piper reached up and tucked the loose strands behind her ears and claimed her cheek with a thumb. _There._ "You have me, right next to you, every step of the way."

The brunette kissed her lightly on the forehead. "That I do."

* * *

 

Piper woke up early in the morning; still not used to the new angle the sun hit her from in their new home. She kept her eyes shut. Just a few more minutes. Stretching, she extended her leg out to Alex's side of the bed, only to find it empty. Faint retching sounds came from the adjoining bathroom and she sat up. Uh oh. With the precision of a drill routine Piper scrambled out of bed, poured a glass of water for Alex, grabbed a band and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Alex? Hon, you okay?" No response. Well, no response other than the gagging. "Okay I'm coming in." She opened the door.

"Piper get out. I told you, I don't want-" before she could finish her sentence, she threw up again.

"I know. I know. I am," Piper balanced the glass precariously on the sink. "Not." She gathered up Alex's hair and pulled them back into a sloppy ponytail, "even here." She quickly rubbed Alex's back once and left the room, closing the door behind her.

She started making their bed, listening with one ear as Alex heaved and threw up for another a couple more minutes before she flushed and turned the faucet on. Piper opened the door a crack and peeked at the brunette's face in the mirror as she brushed her teeth. She saw the post-throw up sheen on her face.

"You're glowing." Alex rolled her eyes at Piper and spat out the paste.

"You know the whole leave-me-be-while-I'm-puking-my-guts-out thing doesn't mean anything if you have your ear glued to the door the entire time."

"Oh get over it, I'm compromising as it is. I'd rather be in here helping you out."

"I don't need help," she said even as she automatically reached for the glass Piper had been leaving for her every day. Piper quirked an eyebrow and Alex smiled sheepishly.

"Right. Of course. Good morning." Piper crouched down to Alex's stomach and kissed it. "What do you want for breakfast, O mighty independent one? Eggs? Oatmeal?" she asked, making her way to the kitchen.

"Ugh. No. Peanut wants something light." Alex stayed back for a moment, regarding herself in the full length mirror in their bedroom, a daily ritual. She turned to the side, lifted her shirt and ran her hands over the slight bulge, convincing herself that it was bigger than the day before. She felt a thrill of terror and excitement run through her.

"Smoothie?" Piper's voice floated from the kitchen, bringing her back. Alex shook her head slightly and made her way to the kitchen.

"Yes, please."

Piper got out bananas and yogurt from the fridge, "uh, why Peanut?"

"Why _not_ Peanut? It's small, cute, and unisex, much like the baby right now." She grinned to herself, satisfied at her logic as Piper snorted. She grated some ginger into the blender along with the other ingredients and handed the smooth mixture to Alex when it was done. She took a sip and made a face.

"It tastes weird." Piper narrowed her eyes. "No, really. Because of the ginger you put in. And it's got lumps." Piper took a sip of the smoothie.

"No dice. You can hardly even taste the ginger, you big baby. Drink up; it'll help clear up the nausea." She got out the oats and filled a saucepan with water. "How is it that we invariably end up having the same conversation every morning?"

"Eh. Maybe we're both in a creative funk?" Alex said, tilting her glass this way and that to avoid the lumps. "Hey how about Ginger?"

"How about ginger what?" Piper took the glass from her and stirred it thoroughly with a spoon so Alex wouldn't feel the lumps anymore.

"As a name for the baby," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Piper burst out laughing. "Yeah sure. If you want _Ginger_ to hate you forever, go ahead." Piper joined her with a big bowl of steaming oatmeal. "I'll just bookmark it for later, then. By the way did you know there are some boxes that still need unpacking? It's been like, a month. Longer, in fact."

"Yes I know. I said I'll do it, so I'll do it." She held out a spoonful in front of Alex. "Taste."

"When?" She ate it and gave her a nod of approval. Piper got another spoon for herself and they shared the bowl between them.

"Um... today. As soon as you leave for the store." Alex raised her eyebrows. "I swear."

"It's just that they're lying there, what if I need something that's in them and I don't even know it?" She paused and looked down at the half gone oatmeal and back at Piper. "How did I end up eating oatmeal?"

"Don't give me that look, it's very important to get a good breakfast. And anyway, all that's in there are decorations etc. I'll get them today, don't worry."

"I'm just saying if I had been in charge of the unpacking, it would have already been done."

Piper gave her a sour look. "I'll unpack. Today. Don't strain yourself over a couple of picture frames."

"Okay." she pushed herself off of the stool. "I'm gonna go shower and get ready." Piper nodded and got up too, taking the dishes with her to the sink. Suddenly two arms enveloped her from behind and Alex kissed her cheek.

"Thank you for breakfast." Another kiss. "Peanut says "thank you" too."

"You're both welcome." Alex left Piper near the sink then, grinning like a fool.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little heads-up to prevent confusion. This chapter is a kind of a flashback, taking place in between the end of Inevitable and the first chapter of New Beginnings, to explain how things came to be.

"Do we really have to, though?" Piper asked for the umpteenth time, even as they buckled up their seat belts. Alex inwardly rolled her eyes at the blonde as she put the key in the ignition, knowing full well she wasn't supposed to answer. Ever since Alex had suggested that they pay Piper's parents a visit which was way overdue and that they should do it before they got busy with the baby, this question had become Piper's mantra. Piper would keep talking, regardless of what Alex said, and like every time, reach the conclusion that yes, while bound to be unpleasant, it was necessary for them to make this trip. She changed gears as they merged into the traffic.

"…and besides, Polly will be there, she'll step in if things get too out of hand. It'll be good to get it done and out of the way, right?"

"Absolutely," Alex nodded, fiddling with the music with one hand. "You're not even listening."

"Of course I'm-"

"I just get really stressed when I have to go see them. You never know what kind of crazy shit they'll throw at you." The car eased to a stop at a red light.

"Mhmm. I'll be with you the whole time though." She had meant it to comfort Piper; instead she became even more flustered.

"I know! Now there are two ways for them to get to me…" as Piper was talking, Alex slowly turned the volume dial up, and the car filled with Harry Nilsson's soothing voice. Piper ignored this and continued, speaking slightly louder, "either they'll say something about me, or they'll say something about you that'll set me off." Raising her eyebrows pointedly at Piper, the brunette began singing.

" _She put the lime in the coconut, she drank em both up._ "

Piper was nearly shouting now. "And I swear to God Al, I can't take-"

" _Called the doctor, woke him up and said,_ " her face scrunched up a little as her voice changed pitch. " _Doctor! Aint there nothing I can take I say, doctor! To relieve this belly ache, I say doctor!_ " Alex poked her in the thigh a couple of times, "Aw c'mon Pipes, I know you love doing the voices." Piper's lips twitched; she wanted to be mad at Alex for interrupting her but at the same time, it was incredibly endearing when Alex sang and she did love doing the voices. Piper twisted around in her seat and cleared her throat.

" _Now lemme get this straight, you put the lime in the coconut, you drank 'em both up._ " Alex took her hand and holding it up to her mouth as a mic, she joined her and they belted out the next few lines in unison.

" _You're such a silly woman._ " Piper rolled her eyes as Alex sighed dramatically. The traffic began moving again, their hands still interlocked. Alex placed the slightly cold fingers, firmly laced with her own, against her lips. As the song wound down, she let their hands fall in the space between them and they drove along in a comfortable silence.

"Why do they bother you so much?" Alex asked after a while.

Piper was quiet for so long that Alex thought maybe she wouldn't reply. But then she sighed. "Well the Cliff notes version goes something like this: they think everything I do is a reaction to them, especially mom. I mean I've always been expected to behave a certain way and if I don't, it's because I hate them." She shook her head. "It just takes everything away from me being my own person and the choices I make, you know?"

"Am I one of these choices?"

"To them? Probably. I mean they'd rather I married Larry, I'm sure."

At the mention of Larry's name, Alex felt her jaw clench involuntarily but she refrained from saying anything. "Let's try to get through this dinner as smoothly as possible. And if you feel the need to shout, or like they're getting to you, squeeze my hand and just keep it in 'til we're alone. Later you can let it out on me."

"You want me to make you a punching bag?"

"Sure." Alex shot a quick grin at her. "'Course there are other ways of blowing off steam too."

It took a moment for Piper to get Alex's meaning. "Oh ha ha. There's a brilliant idea."

* * *

 

They reached the Chapman residence a little before six and with a "let's just get this over with" Piper stepped out and was joined by Alex as they made their way across the extremely tidy front lawn. Piper lifted the brass knocker and rapped it sharply, her hand tense. They hardly had to wait a few seconds before the door opened and there stood Polly.

"Finally!" she pulled them both inside and shut the door behind them. She turned to Alex. "Frankenstein, in the flesh." She extended a hand to Alex who was shrugging out of her jacket.

Always ready with a retort, Alex said, "Holly Parker. How do you do?"

"Guys, as adorable as I find this little bit of yours, can we please just focus on that?" she gestured towards the living room. "What's the situation like?"

"Jeez, Pipes, relax." Polly hung their jackets on the coat rack. "So far-"

"Polly? Are they here?" her mother's voice wafted towards them. Her face appeared. "Why is everyone standing in the foyer? Come in, come in." Squaring her shoulders, Piper took Alex's hand and the three of them made their way to the living room. "Mom."

"Piper." her eyes raked over Alex. "And this must be the woman you're seeing?"

"Mother, I'm not _seeing_ her, I'm in a relationship with Alex. She's my girlfriend."

"Alex Vause." Alex said quickly to diffuse some of the tension that was already starting to build up. She held out her hand, which was shaken coolly, perfunctorily. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Pleasure." She gestured behind her. "Well have a seat. I'll get everyone drinks." She bustled around the loveseat to a drinks cart. Alex made to sit on the armchair, but Piper didn't let go of her hand, inclining her head towards her mother and mouthed, _stay with me_. "I've made martinis for everyone," she paused to look at Alex, "unless you'd like something else, beer perhaps?"

"The martini is fine, Mrs. Chapman." Alex shot Piper a confused look as the blonde flexed her fingers around her hand. She ran her thumb in a slow circle against Piper's hand, who took a deep breath and let it out.

"So mom, where's dad?"

"Oh your father should be home any minute; he went out for a walk. We'll have dinner when he gets home."

* * *

 

After dinner, Alex took up Mr. Chapman's offer to see the house, leaving Piper with a squeeze of her hand to remind her of their earlier arrangement. She sat with her mom and Polly on the dining table. Piper waited.

"She seems nice," her mother offered.

Piper looked up from her coffee, surprised at the older woman's positive remark. "Alex is amazing, mom, she-"

"I talked to Larry's mother the other day." _Here we go._ "The poor boy is still pretty devastated by this whole thing."

"Is that so?"

"I just don't get why you had to leave him, he was such a decent man."

"I wasn't in love with him mother."

"Really Piper, do you have no consideration at all? His mother-"

"His mother never even liked me." She couldn't help keep the snappy tone out of her voice and watched as her mom pursed her lips. "And how can you talk to me about consideration, bringing up Larry when I'm here with Alex."

Mrs. Chapman smiled, which just made her angrier. "Honey, I know what you're like, you probably got scared when things were settling down, moving towards stability so you go with," she gestured around, trying to find the right word. "A distraction. I'm just worried that when you're over your phase, Larry won't be waiting."

"Larry can go f-"

"Piper," Mrs. Chapman interrupted her with a warning tone.

"What? It's like I come here and all you can do is attack me."

"Nobody's attacking you Piper. I'm just expressing my opinion. And I think I have the right to do that in my own home without be cussed at."

 _Breathe through the nose_. Piper nodded slowly. "Yes, of course you do. But it hardly seems fair that when I bring over my girlfriend to meet my parents, all they can do is talk about my ex."

Completely disregarding that, Mrs. Chapman said, "if you want to talk about fair, let's. How is it fair that you break up with someone you've been with for years, and we have to find out through Polly? How is it fair that your father and I can't even get a decent phone call from you, let alone a visit? And when you do visit, you drag along whatever-"

"Mom, I'm asking you to stop there. She is not a phase, or an adventure. She's my girlfriend, I love her. I am _in love_ with her. As far as the fear of settling down is concerned, we're living together and looking for a new place, where we can start a family. So please, can you at least respect that?"

Her revelation stunned Mrs. Chapman into silence. "A family?" she asked in disbelief. "You're bringing a child into this mess?"

"Mess?!"

"Yes, a mess. Had you stuck with Larry, your life could have had some direction. You're just swept off in this fantasy which you will regret sooner or later."

"This is unbelievable. Really. You want to know why I don't call? Why Polly has to act as mediator? Because of this. It took you two seconds to shut down everything in my life that's making me happy."

"There's no need to raise your voice." Piper raised her arms and let them fall with a loud thud on the table. A small part of her realized maybe she could have dealt with the situation by not acting like a sixteen year old, but it was just a small part. "How do you expect me to react when you drop this bomb on me? Raising a child, with a woman, with _that_ woman…and that too out of wedlock. That's not the right environment for my grandchild."

Piper gestured at the space in between her and her mother. "Yeah, because _clearly_ you know all about raising kids right." The two Chapman women glared at each other from across the table. Piper felt tears of anger beginning to take form. _Why can't you just be happy for me?_ Polly's hand found Piper's knee under the table and she squeezed it, a silent reassurance.

The hurt and the anger washed all over her, numbing her brain and all she could think of was to make her mother feel the same way. Her expression hardened, tears dried up as she leaned forward and said, "you can rest assured mother, that the baby will have nothing to do with you, because Alex is the one who's pregnant with it." The moment she said it, she regretted it, for the look of pain that shot across her mother's face didn't feel as good as she'd thought it would.

She masked it pretty well. "Don't come crying to me when things don't work out and you can rest assured that they won't." Piper pushed her chair back so hard that it almost got knocked over, just as Alex and Mr. Chapman returned, him laughing at something Alex said. Both suddenly stopped though, as they took in the atmosphere of the room. Alex's eyes immediately sought out Piper, who was sitting with her back towards her, erect, rigid. Instead her eyes met Polly's who still sat on the chair next to Piper's, as she gave her the slightest, almost imperceptible shake of the head.

* * *

 

"So what happened in there?"

"Nothing."

"Pipes, whatever it was-"

"Alex. Don't."

Alex backed off. She didn't want to push Piper much because this was uncharted territory for the brunette. Alex had seen Piper in pretty much all ranges of emotion, but this closed off woman with a vacant expression scared her. The rest of the drive back home was quiet, each lost in their own thought. When they got home, Piper headed straight for the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Alex turned on the TV but couldn't really pay attention. She went to their bedroom and flopped on the bed, waiting for Piper to come out. _I'll talk to her. What's the worst that can happen?_

Another ten minutes passed with no sign of Piper and Alex started pacing around the room. She knocked on the door. "Piper? Look I know you're upset, but you've got to come out of there. Otherwise I'm coming in."

 _One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…_ she took a deep breath and braced herself as she turned the knob and opened the door. Piper was stripped to her underwear, sitting in the bathtub, her face red.

"Piper? Shit!" she hurried to her side and got in the tub with her. "Did you fall?" she started checking her arms and legs for cuts, breaks, bruises. She cupped her face in her hands, willing her to look at her. Piper shook her head no. "C'mon babe, where does it hurt?"

The blonde slowly took her hand and placed it on her heart and Alex felt her own heart break. The blonde succumbed to the tears she'd been fighting off as Alex shifted their positions so she was cradling Piper against her chest. "Okay, it's okay." she held her tight, wanting to envelope her completely, and to hold her and protect her from anything that hurt her. "I got you."

* * *

 

"Fall asleep?"

They lay in bed a little while later, Alex on her back, Piper curled onto her side under the crook of the brunette's arm. Alex hummed in response.

 _I want you to do it. Just say it._ "I want you to do it. I want you to carry our baby."

"Mmkay." Pause. "Wait, what?!" she sat up, pulling Piper with her. "Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Why the change all of a sudden?"

Piper felt Alex searching her face for an answer and she forced herself to look into the green eyes. "I've been thinking about it," _Liar_. "And it feels right you know?"

"But Pipes, we've been through this already. You want this..."

"And you don't? Look, it makes sense, you try this time, I'm younger, I'll still have a good chance later."

"I don't know…"

"You'll be a great mom, Lex."

"It doesn't feel right, though."

"Doesn't it?" she motioned for Alex to lie back down, and tucked her head under taller woman's chin. _All the better to lie to you, dear._ "Imagine a little baby and he has-"

"She."

"Huh?"

"Well, not that it matters, but if we're having two kids, I'd want the first to be a girl, she'll be a good older sister."

Piper smiled slightly in spite of herself at the tone of adoration and wonder in Alex's voice. "Okay then, she. Can you imagine a little girl with your beautiful eyes, pale skin and the jet black hair? Too much like her mama. Stubborn, loyal, charming."

"I see it. But why is it all me? Where's the you in her? The tough act with a warm heart? Caring, loving. Nurture wins babe." _God I hope she's nothing like me._ "And we'll read to her every night before going to sleep." It pained her too see how easily Alex got caught up in the image she painted for her.

"So… you're saying yes?"

"I'm saying maybe. Let's talk about it more tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." she felt Alex's soft lips at the crown of her head.

"Al?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm... sorry."

"What for?"

 _For lying to you. For manipulating your feelings. For dragging you in this hell between me and my mother._ "For tonight."

"Don't be stupid, Pipes." Piper felt Alex's grip on her tighten. "You're allowed to have a moment of vulnerability, that's what I'm here for."


	3. Chapter 3

Piper had managed to persuade Alex to start staying home as they approached the fourth month of the pregnancy, and let her go to the store instead. It hadn't been easy; convincing Alex to "take a step back" from anything was never going to be anything short of miraculous. Alex had argued that all she had to do was sit and monitor things, since she had trained two people to handle shipments and deliveries, and hold meetings with writers regarding book tours, promotions and the like.

"That's what I'm saying Lex. If all you have to do is oversee things, then why can't I do it?" Piper had taken the brunette's hands in hers in an attempt to calm her down, warming up the cold tips of her fingers. "You hate getting up early now 'cuz then you can't have breakfast due to the nausea. You can sleep in, relax. Maybe focus on your writing?"Alex had perked up a little that, inwardly admitting it would be great to use this time to write. Still, it had been two weeks of "training" Piper before Alex finally handed over the reins to her.

She sat sprawled on the floor with her back against the couch, having given up trying to find a comfortable spot on it. Her long fingers fluttered around the pencil, as she tried to twirl it 360 degrees without dropping it. Granted she was supposed to be writing at the moment, this seemed like a more important task to accomplish first.

She heard footsteps outside the door and hastened to pull her notebook closer to her which had somehow ended up near her feet. Just as she opened up to a random page, Piper walked in. she dropped her keys onto the table next to the door and noticed the back of Alex's head several inches lower than it should have been.

"Al? Why are you sitting on the floor?" she took off her jacket and walked over to the front of the couch.

"Hi honey, I'm home." Alex replied sarcastically.

"Hi honey, I'm home." Piper bent down to kiss the top of her head. "So why are you on the floor?"

"This is the most comfortable I've been all day," she said. "The hard floor is good for my back."

"Oh okay. Did you take your vitamins?"

"Yes'm."

Piper pushed the back of her right shoe against the toe of her left and vice versa to free her feet. Leaving the shoes there, Piper was about to sit down next to Alex but she stopped her. "Shoes." She got up and dutifully put the shoes next to the coat rack.

"Wait…" she looked around, noticing that somehow, the apartment looked empty. There were no books lying around, no coffee cups on various flat surfaces. Piper peeked into their room. The clothes that she was sure she'd left by the foot of the bed that morning, were no longer there. She returned to where Alex sat; now looking slightly guilty. Her eyes narrowed. "You cleaned up!"

"I was bored!" she motioned for her to sit down next to her, which Piper did reluctantly, remembering the brunette was comfortable there. "I woke up a little after you left and I couldn't go back to sleep. I got up, made myself some breakfast. I come over here, fully intent on wasting the day away, as per your request, but it was all so messy. I just had to clean up a little. I tried to relax, but I guess there really is no rest for the wicked." she threw her a sidelong grin.

"You may think you're cute but you really aren't. The whole point is to give you time off, not to make you work even more."

"I know, but it's gonna take getting used to." She tried to take Piper's hand but the blonde pushed her away, still feeling annoyed.

"I don't really feel like holding hands with you right now."

"Ookay." Alex sat thinking for a while, feeling the waves of exasperation radiating off of Piper and wanting to make it right. Her eyes travelled to their feet, Piper's were still a little pink from being cooped up in shoes all day. She nudged Piper's foot with hers. "Hey."

"What?"

"What? I didn't say anything. It's my foot, talking to yours." Piper gave her a have-you-lost-your-mind look. Alex just raised her eyebrows and tilted her head towards their feet. Piper let out a grumbled sigh, and prodded Alex's foot, maybe with a little more force than necessary. "What?"

Alex hooked her pinky toe to Piper's. "I missed you today, so I figured we can hold feet until you feel like holding hands." She watched from the corner of her eye as a small smile tugged at Piper's lips and she felt the slight pressure on her toe as Piper closed her toe around hers.

"Ugh! Why can't you let me be mad at you for a while?" she pulled Alex's hand in her lap and intertwined their fingers, holding her hand against her stomach.

"Because I don't like it. And I love making you smile." She leaned in to kiss her lower jaw and said, "which is almost a little too easy, in my opinion."

"Yeah, yeah," she played it off casually, even though she could still feel the brunette's soft lips on her skin, and made her want to feel them in other places too. Alex continued to tease her.

"Really Pipes, I mean show some will power. All a girl's gotta do is flash you some dimples and you're a mess. I'm just wondering how you'll ever say no to Peanut when she learns to use the Vause charm against you."

"Peanut isn't really Peanut anymore, you know that right?" said Piper, changing subjects. "Maybe we should move to a new nick name."

"Oh! Let's talk names! Like real names. Let's make a list." Alex grabbed her notebook and opened to the last page. She drew a line down the middle and labeled one column "boy" and the other "girl."

"Okay, let's see… How about Joseph? Joey, in short."

Alex raised her eyebrows and didn't say anything.

"It's not from Friends, I swear!"

"Really? Then how do I know that the next names out of your mouth will be Ross and Chandler?"

"I- well I'm not going to name our child Gunter!"

"Mmmhm. Let's just go over some girl names. I like Jane."

Piper made a face. "Plain Jane? No thank you. Claire?"

"Hmm. I like Claire." Alex swiveled her butt, and swung her legs away, so that she was now sitting with her back to Piper. She scooted down to lay her head in Piper's lap and propped the notebook against her thighs. She jotted it down.

"How about Hannah?"

Alex was about to write it down but stopped. She looked up at the blonde, scratching her nose with the pencil. "Is that Hanna, like without the H or Hann _ah_ with the H at the end? Because I'd rather-"

"Rather have it a palindrome? Yes I know you love symmetry, you nut." Piper leaned down and pecked her forehead between the eyes.

"Peanut will love it, too." Alex turned on her side, facing Piper who grabbed a cushion from behind her and placed it between Alex's legs. "You look beautiful up-side-down… or sideways up." Her words were starting to slur a little.

"Sleepy?" she gently brushed a few stray hairs out of her eyes. Alex nodded. "Then let's get you into bed."

"No I don't wanna move."

Piper made her sit up, "come on, up you get." Alex moved slowly, taking her time to prevent the head rush, while Piper went ahead and pulled the shades down as the brunette walked in, yawning. She climbed in, turned on her side and motioned for Piper to join her, who lifted the covers and crawled towards Alex. Piper propped herself up on an elbow and ran her other hand through the brunette's locks, knowing she would ask for it anyway.

"Between the ears," Alex mumbled, already half asleep.

"I know." She moved her fingers to where her head met her neck, and applying slightly more pressure, pushed out to the sides. She felt Alex purr and smiled. "Sweet dreams, babe."

* * *

Piper was used to lying awake long after Alex fell asleep, her thoughts racing each other, dread making her cold. She lay on her side, watching her. Alex, who had switched her position somewhere in the night, slept with abandon; her arms stretched out in front of her, touching Piper, encroaching on her space. One of her legs lay top of hers, mere inches of space separating them. She placed a light hand on the protrusion between them that was their baby, wanting to feel connected. Her breath hitched a little, and she felt tears gathering at the corner of her eyes, but she brushed them away. _You do not get to cry. You did this_. She shook off this thought like an irksome fly, choosing instead to focus on Alex's face. Being in such close proximity and cloaked in the silence of the night, she could hear Alex's breathing, deep, and peaceful. It should have calmed her down, the familiar face- the face that she loved- but it only served to squeeze her heart painfully. Even though the night was quiet, she felt a sudden numbness washing over her, like a giant wave in the ocean and the quiet turned into white noise; absolute, overwhelming. Her head felt like it was being compressed from all sides and the room began to spin.

_Bathroom._

Careful not to jostle the bed too much, she got out, headed to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Pale orange light filtered through the window, bathing her in a dream-like glow. Gripping the edge of the cold sink, she managed to stand tall, despite her knees feeling ready to buckle. Her eyes adjusted to the light and she found her reflection staring back at her, pale, sweaty, accusatory. With shaking hands, she turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on her face. _Deep breaths._

With each breath, the numbness receded a little, the white noise fell and only when she heard the water hit the ceramic surface of the sink, did she realize the sound was absent a moment ago. She turned it off and looked at herself again.

_You need to tell her._

_I can't._

_You can! You just won't._

_It'll hurt her, very badly._

_Is that really what you're worried about? Hurting her? Or are you afraid she'll leave you. Knowing you, that's probably your main driving force behind this._

_Shut up._ But at the same time, the thought took hold of her. _Is that all I'm worried about? Am I really that cold?_

Suddenly the overhead light turned on and Alex peered inside. "Babe, you okay?"

"Uh yeah, I couldn't sleep. Why're you up?"

"Same, couldn't sleep. I was having cravings…you know, the non-food kind."

Their eyes met in the mirror. Alex was giving her the look and she was right there with her. Just one look, and she could feel the desire flooding her body, her breath shortening and her stomach tightening into a knot…but she couldn't. Not when she felt like she did. _Maybe that's exactly what you need. Blow off some fucking steam. Blow off some steam, fucking._ She inwardly shook her head as Alex took a step forward, the movement causing Piper's gaze to flicker down to the smooth legs that stuck out from underneath the oversized night shirt, then back up. Her grip tightened on the sink, doing everything she could to stop from turning around. Alex took another step closer, this time with a slight exaggeration, like a panther stalking its prey, seeing the weakness in the eyes, knowing this was a done deal, Alex kept her eyes locked Piper's, the green challenging the blue-grey: _how long can you hold out for?_

One more step and Piper could feel the warmth radiating off of Alex. She leaned forward, pressing her entire length against Piper, placing one hand next to the blonde's as Piper fought back a shiver, and using the other to sweep her hair off her shoulder. Still keeping her eyes on her reflection, Alex placed an open mouthed kiss at the junction where Piper's shoulder met her neck. _All right, that's it_.

She whipped around and the green eyes danced with excitement. That was the last thing she saw before she captured Alex's lips with hers. The brunette moaned loudly into the kiss as Piper's roaming hands landed on her extra sensitive breasts, and she arched into the touch. Alex gathered her hair in her hands and pulled her even closer, bodies flush against each other. Piper flipped them around, with the small of Alex's back pressing against the cold surface of the sink as Piper tore the shirt off of her. Leaning down, she took one nipple in her mouth, making Alex gasp out loud, and twisted the other one between her thumb and forefinger.

Alex's hand covered hers."Pipes! Not so rough."

"Sorry," she replaced her hand with her tongue, spreading the flat of it against the peak, like a balm. Alex threaded her hands through Piper's hair and enjoyed the lavish attention the blonde was paying her.

Piper moved lower, kissing the underside of the brunette's breast, the softness of the skin unparalleled. Her nails raked the pale thighs up and down as her mouth traveled further south, grazing her belly button. She pulled off her almost soaked panties, one leg at a time, and found her glistening centre ready for her. Using her fingers to separate the folds, she ran her tongue up the entire length of her pussy, stopping and applying pressure on her clit. Alex gave a little sigh of frustration as she saw Piper pull away and stand up. Offering no explanation Piper drew her in for a long kiss, tugging at her lips with her teeth, engaging in a battle with her tongue. She was so lost in the kiss that when Piper suddenly entered her she gave a loud yelp and tightened her grip around Piper's shoulder, burying her face in her the crook of her neck as the blonde worked up a tempo moving her fingers in and out. She drew in a shaky breath when the fingers curled forward, hitting her G-spot.

"Fuck," she hissed, leaning back on her hands, letting her head drop.

Piper felt a devastating feeling of love and remorse take over her as she took in the beautiful sight in front of her; Alex, Alex with eyes closed, flushed chest, whispering her name. Her hand faltered a little and she felt Alex's thighs clench around her, encouraging her to keep going. _No more thinking_. She shifted so that she was straddling Alex's right thigh, her weight now behind each thrust. Alex's hands came to rest at her waist, making her move against her thigh, but Piper resisted, her mind focused on only one thing. She added a thumb to the brunette's engorged clit and Alex wrapped her hands around Piper's shoulders again, holding on as within seconds the taller woman was coming undone in front of her. She bit her shoulder hard as a wave of pure pleasure hit her and Piper welcomed the pain. She caught her reflection in the mirror and deliberately looked away, burying her face in the jet black hair instead, letting herself be permeated by Alex's scent, Alex's sounds, Alex's body…Alex.

_I can't lose her._


	4. Chapter 4

Piper sat on one end of the couch with Alex's feet in her lap, one of which she massaged with the precise and practiced movements of a professional. Alex was lying on her side, with her head on the arm rest, watching The Lake House. Piper's attention was focused primarily on her feet because every now and then, she'd hit a particular spot that would involuntarily cause Alex to emit a delectable moan; there was nothing sexual about it, it just relayed a feeling of deep contentment. It was fast becoming one of her favorite sounds in the world.

She heard an emotional instrumental piece playing in the movie and sighed. Almost as if on cue, she could see Alex in the periphery, dabbing her eyes using the edge of her sleeve accompanied by subtle sniffling sounds. A week ago, this would have been cause for alarm for Piper, and it had been, the first time. Piper had come home one day to find Alex sitting in front of the TV, her eyes red and face blotchy. Her heart had decided to take an express elevator ride, first plummeting into her stomach, then threatening to come spilling out from her throat as she crouched down in front of the brunette, trying to get her to talk. Her unwillingness to tell Piper the cause of her grief, as it turned out, was more out of embarrassment than anything else. Alex Vause did NOT cry over movies.

Except, now she did.

"Babe?" she slid her hand up her calf muscle, digging her fingers in. She tried to hold the tears in, her lips quivering and Piper gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Jack's about to get hit by the bus." And sure enough, the bus on the screen slammed into the man, and Alex gasped before crying in earnest. She waved her hands at Piper which was her way of telling her to get her tissues. Lifting the long legs from her lap, she grabbed the box of tissues that was always somehow out of reach and held them out for Alex who took out a bunch, wiped her nose roughly, and wadded them up.

She stood there, regarding the brunette with an amused expression on her face. "You know that because of the time warp, he doesn't actually die, right?"

"I- tha-that's not even the point!" Alex spluttered incredulously. "They love each other, they have this amazing connection, and they can't be together. It's tragic."

Piper couldn't help herself, "again… time warp means they do get together in the end."Not even bothering to reply, Alex just shot her a death glare and pointedly turned back to the movie. Piper smirked. "That glare would have been much more impressive if you didn't look so damn cute."

"I hate you." Alex said petulantly. Her voice came out thick and raspy as if she had a cold. Piper found it absolutely endearing.

"Wow, I didn't realize you were so heavily invested in it," Piper lightly teased her. "How 'bout I watch it with you? Maybe get better acquainted with Jack and …" she trailed off, knowing Alex would answer in annoyance over the fact that Piper had dared forget the female protagonist's name.

"Kate!" she supplied, exasperated. Piper continued looking at her expectantly, and Alex gave her a stiff shrug. "Whatever." She climbed over Alex and squirmed around so that she was sandwiched between the back of the couch and the brunette. Her fingers came up to brush through Alex's hair. Piper inwardly smiled as she felt her relax into the touch and entangle their legs together. The movement stirred the air around them and Piper leaned in to take a deep whiff of what smelled like soap and _Alex._ Intoxicating.

Alex was completely engrossed in the film but Piper couldn't look anywhere other than at her. Her cheeks were tinged with a lovely rosy blush which went enticingly with the smooth pale skin. Strawberries and cream, she thought, her hand reaching out to caress the object of her scrutiny almost without thought.

"Don't distract me," Alex whispered, loving the feel of Piper's cool fingers on her overheated cheek.

"Sorry," she whispered back, prying her hand away but Alex quickly grabbed it and pulled it up to her chest, entwined with her own. As Piper settled in and focused her attention on the movie, she started to really enjoy it, especially Alex's reactions to certain parts. They were at the scene where the two of them plan a tour of the city but in their different times and Piper could the corner of the brunette's lips turned up into a huge goofy grin and she couldn't stop herself from mirroring the expression.

"I think you were wrong before," the blonde murmured into her ear as the scene blended into the next.

"Huh?"

"I think it's tragically beautiful, how when two people are soul mates, they just find a way to be with each other… where even the space-time continuum isn't a factor. Now that's romantic."

Alex considered this. "Maybe you're right," she conceded, lightly pressing her lips to Piper's knuckles.

* * *

The movie was down to the climax and they had shifted to a more vertical position, after Alex complained her back was starting to hurt. Piper was gently rubbing circles over her lower back, completely immersed in the scenes in front of her when the phone rang.

"Let it go to voicemail," Piper groaned, not wanting to have to look around for the phone.

"I have it right here," Alex said, fishing it out from some deep recess of the couch. She turned the volume down a bit, and ignoring Piper's scowl, she answered the phone.

"Hello? Yes, you got the right number. Who is this?" Alex turned to looked at Piper, her eyebrows raised. Piper frowned and mouthed, "what?" "Your mom," she mouthed back. She saw Piper's face harden as she turned to stare blankly at the screen which made it easier for Alex to answer Mrs. Chapman's question.

"Uh, Piper isn't here right now, I could take a message though, if you'd like." She nodded slowly, her hand creeping over to Piper's, which now sat as a fist in her lap, trying to loosen it up. "Oh," surprise colored her tone. "That sounds… that's very thoughtful of you. I'll pass it along… you too." Alex hung up the phone and placed it on the coffee table. Leaning back, she could see the rise and fall of the blonde's chest, the movement a little too even for it to be natural.

"Don't you want to know what she wanted?" Alex asked after it became apparent Piper wasn't going to speak. She shrugged. "She wanted to talk to you…she didn't go into too much detail, but I think she wants to get to know her grandkid." She stole a glance at Piper. Her face was stoic; giving nothing away.

"What do you think? Pipes?"

Piper took a deep breath, her posture visibly relaxing, and she turned to Alex with a half smile. "I think I should get started on dinner."

* * *

It was a few days after the phone call from Mrs. Chapman, and Alex still hadn't been able to get Piper to talk about it. It bothered her to know there was a part of Piper she couldn't get to, a hurt part that she couldn't heal. Even though it had been months ago, the image of Piper sitting in the tub that night was still fresh in her mind, and it haunted her. She had tried to bring it up a couple of times but Piper would suddenly put up a wall and refuse to answer her questions. Every time, Piper would walk away, or change the subject or busy herself in some other task. It had bothered Alex, yes, and now it was beginning to annoy her.

They'd had an early dinner and had then gone out for a stroll that had become a part of their daily routine ever since Alex had started complaining about experiencing heart burn. They were rounding the corner back to their apartment building when Alex purposefully slowed her pace.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." They walked for a few moments before she asked, "can we talk about your mom's offer?" She felt Piper's grip on her hand slacken and she tightened hers. "Now I know you're not gonna leave a pregnant lady all by herself in the middle of the street, so we have to talk."

"Al… can we please not?" her mind was on high alert sensing they were approaching dangerous territory.

"No, we're going to," she said firmly. "Have you thought about it?"

"There's nothing to think about. I don't like the idea of having her around Pea-" 

"Pipes, I get that things between the two of you are…" Alex struggled for the right word. "Rough." Piper rolled her eyes. "But it doesn't mean you can't work on it."

"It actually means exactly that," Piper said mulishly.

Alex sighed, irritated at her tone. "It's like, you just throw up a wall when it comes to your mother Piper, and you're not even willing to give her a chance. You should have heard her, I dunno, she sounded sincere…"

"It's very easy for her to sound sincere and not mean it, Lex. I've had a whole childhood full of experience at figuring that out."

"She's extending an olive branch here; I think it's pretty big of her. The least you can do is to consider it." Piper could feel the frustration building up. First Alex had cornered her into having this conversation, and now she was _siding_ with her mother?

They approached the steps of their building as Piper pulled her hand loose. "This is between me and her, and I'm telling you working it out is not an option. Can you please just drop it?" With that she stormed into the building. Alex followed her and felt her own temper flare when she saw Piper deliberately taking the stairs knowing full well Alex only used the elevator. She got in, fuming and punched the button to her floor with more force than necessary. She closed her eyes and took in deep breaths, hoping the gentle hum of the elevator would calm her down enough to face Piper. The chime alerted her to the opening doors and she stepped out. She had to wait for Piper outside their door because, of course, Piper had the key. Even though Piper's blonde head appeared less than a minute later, Alex's nostrils flared as Piper opened the door and walked past her.

"You don't just get to walk away." Alex slammed the door shut, following her into the kitchen.

Piper got out a bottle of water and took a swig. "This is too much for me Alex; I mean you're supposed to be on my side here!"

"Your side?!" she laughed a humorless laugh. "Okay, first of all, how am I supposed take sides when you never even bothered opening up to me about what happened between you two? Secondly, this isn't just between you and her anymore."

Piper rounded on her, "really?"

"Yes really. Look I know she was a bad mother to you, and you have unresolved issues, and all of that, but that, in no way indicates she'll be a bad grandmother too. And don't you think you can work something out with her, for the Peanut's sake?"

She smacked the bottle down on the island with a loud thud. "Peanut already has a grandma, and she'll be great."

"That may be but…" her tone softened and she realized how much it meant to her as she said it, "on your side, Peanut will have uncles, possible cousins… a granddad. I'm thinking like a mom here, and it's a whole family for Peanut, Pipes."

"Al… You don't know. I mean it's easy for you to stand there and talk about working things out with my mother, but it's a whole other thing actually-"

"Christ! Listen to you. This is about so much more than you Piper! When are you going to step the fuck up and act like a mother?!"

The insinuation that she was acting immature, that her issue wasn't an important issue finally got to her and she lost it. Blood boiling, she rounded the island and marched right up to stand in front of Alex. "You've had one conversation with her and you think you know her. I've spent my entire life being criticized by her, disappointing her, fighting with her. I don't trust her! I don't trust her with me, I don't trust her with you, and I especially don't trust her around our baby. As for sincerity, if you'd heard what she'd said when I told her you were pregnant, you'd have realized just how sincere she is. Every-"

"What the hell are you talking about? You haven't talked to her since the dinner!"

She blinked. "What? Of course I haven't talked to-" her words died down in her throat, as she replayed the past few seconds in her head and she suddenly realized her slip. She clawed desperately, trying to find some way to salvage this, hoping, praying, Alex would let it go. But she could see from her face that it was too late, as it went from confused to calculating to horrified.

"Piper?" her voice was hushed, as if that would somehow change the ugly truth dawning on her. "What did you do?"


End file.
